The reality of business ownership

I began writing this story in the midst of one of the harder weeks I’ve had to face so far since opening the shop. That may be a bit dramatic since oftentimes so many weeks feel hard, and everything feels worse when you are going through it, but this one feels especially so. The financial strain of the shop and everything that means easily cascades over into my personal life, causing stress and strain at home, too. When you are a small business owner, it’s hard if not impossible to leave work behind at the end of the day. You carry it with you always: the joys and the burdens. In so many ways everything is on your shoulders—the success of the business, the livelihood of your employees, the livelihood of yourself. It’s a lot resting on just you. 

Over seven years ago, I launched this company at the National Stationery Show. I had no retail sales, no wholesale experience whatsoever, but I dove right in. I’m not usually a huge risk-taker, but launching into the world of wholesale felt like the right way to start our line. I knew retail sales would not be enough to sustain the company from the beginning, which meant bringing in retailers as partners to carry the collection. I remember wanting to walk away from that show with just one order, knowing that shows are more than just making sales, but planting seeds, networking, and more—but I was fortunate to walk away with over 50 orders. That meant 50 stores were willing to take a chance on our line, to take a chance on me, even being as green as we were back then.

I am from a graphic design background, having studied that in college. I loved it and still do, but it was not fulfilling enough for me. All too often graphic design lives within a computer and can be heavily photography or text-based. I wanted more. I wanted the tactile feeling of something in my hands, brought to life through whimsical illustrations and hand lettering. After working for a year in an advertising agency (and designing wedding invitations as almost another full-time job on the side), I quit my job and began work on my very first collection. It was almost a year from when I left the agency to when I launched the company—a year that was spent researching, designing, preparing, and producing. 

At the time, I imagined that having my own business meant flexible hours, setting the rules, and being in complete control. And it’s not to say that is not all true, because it is, but it certainly takes on a different meaning. So often creatives start their companies because they want to create 24/7, but in truth, creating is maybe 10% of what you do if you’re lucky. You learn to wear many hats: designer, accountant, tech support, marketer, and the list goes on. No two days are ever the same, but then again, I think that may be one reason so many entrepreneurs enjoy this life. There’s a saying that entrepreneurs will work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week and I think that truer words have never been spoken.

The Mental Strain of Business Ownership

While it was a dream to walk away from that first trade show with over 50 orders, I was so focused on just getting to the show and launching the collection that I didn’t consider what came next. I came home with this high, only for it to all come crashing down. That first show we wrote around $15,000 in orders and I was ecstatic until I did the math and realized I needed to spend $20,000 to create all the inventory to fill those orders. It was crushing. I certainly learned very early on that you have to know your numbers, but also realized that business is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got to be looking at the big picture, and pace yourself, knowing each step ahead of you.

We made it through that initial crisis, produced all the inventory, and shipped out each and every order. I remember boxes lining the hall—my mom and I would sit on the floor to fill orders outside my tiny, one-room studio that I rented from another artist. We certainly had humble beginnings. As time went on, we expanded the product line beyond just cards to other gift items, which expanded our reach to various retailers and helped our bottom line by selling higher-priced items. But more orders means more expenses, expenses equal bills, and bills are a never-ending truth.

The business is now far different from where we started because we also have brick and mortar storefront to worry about as well. Last summer we were able to open our first store, and in many ways, it was a dream come true. Being able to have a retail space in the front, with our production and wholesale in the back, I think is every maker’s dream. But the harsh realities of retail are real. Rent is high. There are always unexpected expenses. Payroll is expensive. It takes selling a lot of greeting cards to make any money, let alone just pay the bills. 

So often I feel like I’m drowning. The shop could easily take down the entire company: retail and wholesale. 

More than all the stress—as heavy as that can be all on its own—is the overwhelming feeling of being a fraud. I think “imposter syndrome” is the formal name for it. There is this misconception that having a brick and mortar store means that I’ve “made it” as a maker. Nothing could be further from the truth. It was a huge risk to take, one that I put the stake of the entire company on. So to have people fawn over the accomplishments of this company, internally I struggle. I constantly question if this was all a huge mistake, and only time will tell that. 

Working Through It

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best about self-care. I push myself to the limit, working non-stop. That first year of the company my husband was overseas with the military, so I had no reason to stop working at the end of the day. In some ways, it may be why we were able to grow quickly, but it created habits that were hard to break. Now Bel, leaving the shop by 6 every day and doing my best to not be answering emails or putting out fires while I’m at home. We try to take the dog for a walk each night, not just for her, but for us too. I try not to shy away from things that make me feel good about myself, even if it is something as simple as a manicure or a haircut. 

But self-care is so much more than a day at the spa; it can be as simple as getting enough sleep. It’s celebrating the little things (just as much as the big ones!). It’s taking the time to meet your needs, wherever those needs may find you—whether that means therapy, a run, eating healthy, trusting your body and your own intuition—that is real self-care. 

We know what we need, it just takes stopping, listening, and acting on those needs.

Owning My Story

“Owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.” -Brené Brown

I’d like to be able to sum up this story tied up with a pretty ribbon for you, but I’m still living it. Each day is still hard, but each day has its joys, too. Whether it’s helping a young man find the perfect card to give to his bride on their wedding day or someone who just wants to make their friend smile—each of these moments fills my heart to the brim and reminds me why I do what I do, even on the hard days. 

By the time you read this, my shop will have had its first birthday. In so many ways that is a celebration—we made it! Yet I still have to fight the nagging doubts of, “after a year, this is still where we’re at?” I think they call it balance. I still have a long road ahead of me, and truthfully, I’m not sure what the future holds for this company. But at the end of it all, I can be proud of what I have built.

I’ll keep dreaming, scheming, and putting in the work. We are in the midst of a massive rebranding project—something that has been brewing in me for the last year—to really take the company to its next level. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time, but most importantly, it feels right. It’s time. Down the road, when we’ve moved on from this space (which is a reality for us for better or worse), I want our new location to be somewhere with more space for our little corner of retail heaven, but I also want a dedicated workshop space and true studio space. I want to bring this amazing community together by allowing artists to come in and work away from their homes. I know how important that was to me, and how I felt it legitimized my work beyond simple a hobby. I want others to feel that too. 

More than anything I know the future of Belle & Union is not just about me, but about those around me—about the lives we can touch each and every day—whether that is through a simple greeting card, the new skills we teach, or the empowerment and encouragement to step forward into your dreams. We will be here, bringing people together in our own special way, and that makes it all truly worth it. 

Subscribe to Handmade Seller Magazine to read the rest.